Hey y'all why are writers always cold?

...why?

They're always surrounded by drafts!

How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh god.

How many?

Two! One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end!

What do writers have for breakfast?

Coffee?

Synonym buns!

Where do all the struggling writers live?

How are you coming up with all these?

Where?

Writer's Block!

What do writers suffer from each spring?

(I've heard a lot of them over the years.)

Allergies. Next question.

you were close; A case of allegories

Why are writers always in great shape?

Circular prose

Nope! It's because we're always running out of ideas!

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

I did not

His life had it's prose and cons...

Why is editing a better job than writing?

It's more rewording?

Correct! I am out of jokes. :(

@caffiend-queen @nuggsmum @tilltheendwilliwrite @bolontiku @angrythingstarlight @angryschnauzer @biteofcherry

😁😂

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL
2006 | dir. Gore Verbinski

I love tumblr because “I love this character so much I want to put them in a blender, pour the results into an ice tray, stick it in the freezer, and make popsicles out of them so that I may consume their essence” is not only a common sentiment, but a socially acceptable one here

So I got called into jury duty…

And I was put in the seat instantly, of course. I said, “your honor, I can’t be a juror on a two week trial, I have opera rehearsal.” And she said, “opera huh, well, sing something for us.”

And I did. In a federal court of law, in front of the judge, 75 jurors, the lawyers and the fucking DEFENDANT, I sang o mio babbino caro.

And the judge excused me.

@districtswiftie13

YO I DIDNT EMBARRASS MYSELF IN FEDERAL COURT SO YALL CAN DOUBT ME.

I know a lot of opera singers, and singing a full-on aria in a court room with only a hint of provocation is EXACTLY what they would do.

I know a lot of judges, and demanding an impromptu opera solo on a whim is also something they would do.

(And also one of the main reasons you can be excused from jury duty is economic hardship–basically, it would cause you unreasonable financial damage. If you’re a professional singer, a two week gap in your rehearsal schedule could do that for sure.)

As a muso, I absolutely believe this. I’ve got my accordion out of my carry-on and played a tune when airport security couldn’t recognise its weird mass of levers. Singers and musicians are just Like That.

Accurate.

My friend got stopped at the Canadian border coming back into the US. Border patrol took one look at his tattoed, ear-gagued, mutton chop wearing, hipster self, and said “I don’t believe you’re an opera singer. Sing something for me.”

His wife immediately put down her knitting and plugged her ears, because Matt’s a contrabasso, and he does NOT sing quietly.

Every other booth along the border stop had a head poking out of it within twenty seconds. And they let them pass without further contest.

The unwillingness of some people to believe that literally anything remotely interesting happens in other people’s lives is truly astounding.

Can we all please just take a moment to appreciate that OP’s url is literally @melodramaticsoprano and yet she still was doubted?  

Me: *scrolls past this post*

Me: Oh my god it's a FORK lift.

Me: *begrudgingly scrolls back up to reblog*

poll time!!

please reblog with your answer and country!!

i, for example, have fired a gun, and am from canada.

enjoy!!

“The average US president has been charged with 1.54 felonies” factoid isn’t true. The average US President has been charged with 0 felonies. Donald trump, who has been charged with 71, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted

Felonies Donld is now up to 79 felonies, for a statistical average of 1.71 felonies per president

Update:

With 91 felonies, felonies Donld has now broken the 2 felonies per president average average (2.02 felonies per president)

anyway. onto better things

onto better things thursday

Sundresses and Leather

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Bucky Barnes x Baker!Female Reader
Summary: Your first date with Bucky doesn't go as planned, but that makes it all the more special.
Word Count: Over 4.7k
Warnings: First date, tension, flirting, brief moments of insecurity, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).
Graphics talent and thanks: Banner by @sgt-seabass. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Bucky edit by Nix. Moodboard by yours truly.
Previous Part of AU: Sweet and Strong
A/N: More Hottie and Sugar from our Sin on Skin AU. ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby (thank you for spitballing), but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Tonight was the night. You were going out with Bucky Barnes. Excited for the date was a bit of an understatement. You may have told a few customers you had a date when they wished you a good day.

Keep reading

broccoli is tasty and looks like tiny trees you cowards

Something that I've personally wondered about for a long time.

You know the drill. Reblog for sample size.

Part Two